“Mum, what’s less than nothing?”
I asked on Twitter what were the most bizarre/profound and – frankly – gobsmacking questions your children have asked you.
This was after my seven-year-old son asked me at 6.15am today: Can there be anything less than nothing? Because if there is, nothing must be something.
Here is the list so far:
“If a wizard was reading a book of spells would it be fiction or non-fiction?” (@PeterLisney)
“Mum, what’s genitalia?” (my son)
“Mum…Who invented the magnet?” @LibaLibaLikeIt (check out all the tweets – they are adorable! They include such great questions as: Mum…Why do ninjas wear masks?)
Three-year-old: “What is my voice?” @nickynackynoo
My 6yr old to @tobybarnes “Dad, what if my superpower was Blu-Tac ??”. (via @mrsemilybarnes) courtesy of @katehughes
Luka: What’s in my ears? Mummy: Earwax. Luka: [30 seconds later] Daddy, have you got earwigs in your ears? (@simonapps)
Three-year -old nephew asked where the latest baby in the family had come from and why can’t you just take him back? (@katesull)
Mine didn’t ask where babies came from, they asked where parents came from. As in, “Don’t know where you’re coming from Dad!” (@HarryJA)
Daughter woke me up once with the question: so how *do* they decide what makes a continent anyway? At half five I don’t know. (@soba_girl)
I was once asked “If the planets are magnetic, why don’t they all stick together?” (@genzaichi)
Why does the alphabet ALWAYS have to be in alphabetical order? It’s so boring. (@FionaJoseph).
5-yr-old on loo: “Can I live here forever?” “Darling, you’ll grow up,have your own house.” “Can’t I stay till I’m old, die and go to Jesus?” (@amyrb)
Driving along last week, 11-year-old son asked me what a sex shop was (@tapdiva)
Is it true that you can land on a cloud? (@tapdiva)
Who made God? (@Schoolgate)
6 yr old to their mum: “If I die, will you kill yourself?!” (via @Schoolgate)
“After you’re dead, if you are really sorry (not just the kind of sorry you say to get out of your room), would God forgive you?” (@Bonnygirl)
my hubb’ys fav q fromdaughter is GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY? eeerrrmmm (@mumumumumum)
From son in bath, ‘Why does my willy float?’. Does anyone actually know the answer? (@simonapps)
“Mum, what would happen if the cat saw a monkey?” (@tracey_q)
“If I threw some milk into space, would it turn into cheese?” (@JayneHowarth)
When my parents told me I was having a brother or sister I demanded a twin sister (@FBrotherston)
A friend has reminded me of a question/remark my daughter made when she was very young (about six) because of my repeated refusal to take her to McDonald’s: “Mum, how old do you have to be to drive?” Me: “17. Why?” Her: “Because I’m going to pass my test at 17 and drive to McDonald’s…”
My four-year-old dort asks the best Guess Who? questions – ‘Has your person got happy eyebrows?’ (@jvictor7)
“Does milk come out of cow’s bottoms?” (four-year-old to @LauraAWNTYM) … I said, “There are these things called udders” … “Are they like willies?” he said.
The funny things they say
Not a question, but what the heck – great responses!:
4yo: Why can’t you drive your car when you’ve had beer?” Me: ” Cos beer means u can’t drive well.” 4yo: “Well then u just need to practise more!” @knightys
Child #2: ‘Dad, have you seen Mum’s new glasses? They say ‘fercuck’ on the side’. (They are French Connection. It says FCUK). @EnglishMum
Lilian watching me shave: “this’ll mean it’ll not be spicy (sic) when you kiss me”. Me: “And mummy”. Lil: “Does mummy shave?” (@Hardyduncan)
Me: Oscar, do you know why Daddy shut you in your room? Oscar: Yes, ’cause I swiped Daddy. Me: And have you anything to say for yourself? Oscar: Yes, I… I’ve seen the error of my ways. Sorry! Sorrysorry sorry! (Andrew Davies via Facebook)
Son “I like grapes and I like fruit so I will like grapefruits” sadly this theory did not come true. (@childrensjewell)
Me to husb: I’ll be OK to have 1 glass of wine if I’m driving? 4yo said: “No, it’ll spill. Put it in an empty Fruit Shoot bottle.” (@LesleyS_S)
Brother: We’re going on holiday to wales. 3 yr old: But don’t wales live in the sea? (@petehitchman)
Mum – “uncle Pete & his girlfriend have fallen out” Girl – “fallen out of the door or the window?” (@petehitchman)
Please, keep ’em coming!