Jaynehowarth’s Weblog

Journalist and writer

“Mum, what’s less than nothing?”

with 6 comments

I asked on Twitter what were the most bizarre/profound and  – frankly – gobsmacking questions your children have asked you.

This was after my seven-year-old son asked me at 6.15am today: Can there be anything less than nothing? Because if there is, nothing must be something.

Here is the list so far:

“If a wizard was reading a book of spells would it be fiction or non-fiction?” (@PeterLisney)

“Mum, what’s genitalia?” (my son)

“Mum…Who invented the magnet?” @LibaLibaLikeIt (check out all the tweets – they are adorable! They include such great questions as: Mum…Why do ninjas wear masks?)

Three-year-old: “What is my voice?” @nickynackynoo

My 6yr old to @tobybarnes “Dad, what if my superpower was Blu-Tac ??”. (via @mrsemilybarnes) courtesy of @katehughes

Luka: What’s in my ears? Mummy: Earwax. Luka: [30 seconds later] Daddy, have you got earwigs in your ears? (@simonapps)

Three-year -old nephew asked where the latest baby in the family had come from and why can’t you just take him back? (@katesull)

Mine didn’t ask where babies came from, they asked where parents came from. As in, “Don’t know where you’re coming from Dad!” (@HarryJA)

Daughter woke me up once with the question: so how *do* they decide what makes a continent anyway? At half five I don’t know. (@soba_girl)

I was once asked “If the planets are magnetic, why don’t they all stick together?” (@genzaichi)

Why does the alphabet ALWAYS have to be in alphabetical order? It’s so boring. (@FionaJoseph).

5-yr-old on loo: “Can I live here forever?” “Darling, you’ll grow up,have your own house.” “Can’t I stay till I’m old, die and go to Jesus?” (@amyrb)

Driving along last week, 11-year-old son asked me what a sex shop was (@tapdiva)

Is it true that you can land on a cloud? (@tapdiva)

Who made God? (@Schoolgate)

6 yr old to their mum: “If I die, will you kill yourself?!” (via @Schoolgate)

“After you’re dead, if you are really sorry (not just the kind of sorry you say to get out of your room), would God forgive you?” (@Bonnygirl)

my hubb’ys fav q fromdaughter is GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY? eeerrrmmm (@mumumumumum)

From son in bath, ‘Why does my willy float?’. Does anyone actually know the answer? (@simonapps)

“Mum, what would happen if the cat saw a monkey?” (@tracey_q)

“If I threw some milk into space, would it turn into cheese?” (@JayneHowarth)

When my parents told me I was having a brother or sister I demanded a twin sister (@FBrotherston)

A friend has reminded me of a question/remark my daughter made when she was very young (about six) because of my repeated refusal to take her to McDonald’s: “Mum, how old do you have to be to drive?” Me: “17. Why?” Her: “Because I’m going to pass my test at 17 and drive to McDonald’s…”

My four-year-old dort asks the best Guess Who? questions – ‘Has your person got happy eyebrows?’ (@jvictor7)

“Does milk come out of cow’s bottoms?” (four-year-old to @LauraAWNTYM) … I said, “There are these things called udders” … “Are they like willies?” he said.

The funny things they say

Not a question, but what the heck – great responses!:

4yo: Why can’t you drive your car when you’ve had beer?” Me: ” Cos beer means u can’t drive well.” 4yo: “Well then u just need to practise more!” @knightys

Child #2: ‘Dad, have you seen Mum’s new glasses? They say ‘fercuck’ on the side’. (They are French Connection. It says FCUK). @EnglishMum

Lilian watching me shave: “this’ll mean it’ll not be spicy (sic) when you kiss me”. Me: “And mummy”. Lil: “Does mummy shave?” (@Hardyduncan)

Me: Oscar, do you know why Daddy shut you in your room? Oscar: Yes, ’cause I swiped Daddy. Me: And have you anything to say for yourself? Oscar: Yes, I… I’ve seen the error of my ways. Sorry! Sorrysorry sorry! (Andrew Davies via Facebook)

Son “I like grapes and I like fruit so I will like grapefruits” sadly this theory did not come true. (@childrensjewell)

Me to husb: I’ll be OK to have 1 glass of wine if I’m driving? 4yo said: “No, it’ll spill. Put it in an empty Fruit Shoot bottle.” (@LesleyS_S)

Brother: We’re going on holiday to wales. 3 yr old: But don’t wales live in the sea? (@petehitchman)

Mum – “uncle Pete & his girlfriend have fallen out” Girl – “fallen out of the door or the window?” (@petehitchman)

Please, keep ’em coming!

Written by CommonPeople

October 23, 2009 at 7:41 am

Posted in Jayne's posts

Tagged with , , ,

6 Responses

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  1. On the way home from playgroup one morning my son (3 at the time) asked me,

    “Mummy why am I the beginning?”

    This clearly required a bit of clarification, so I asked him what he was the beginning of, and he replied,

    “Why can I not see my face? and my mouth? and why can I not see the back of my head?”

    I guess he’d been trying to place himself in the larger world as he perceives it. His “beginning” was, I think, a way of expressing his internal being separate from the external “everything else” that he experiences.

    Next question?

    “Who will be the beginning when I am dead?”

    I mumbled for a bit before he answered this one himself,

    “I think it will be Ross” (his best bud)

    “Could be”, I said, “could be..”

    MrsW

    October 23, 2009 at 8:31 am

  2. Wow! I think you have the beginnings of a philosopher, there, Mrs W! Thanks for commenting!

    jaynehowarth

    October 23, 2009 at 1:01 pm

  3. I’ve had: “What’s the biggest number in the world?” (it’s not clear, not even on Google. There are rows about it. I know!).

    “When I have a family of my own you can come and live with us if you want. Daddy can visit when he feels like it too.” (what did poor daddy do that means he can’t come live-in too?!)

    “Why does the tooth fairy pay for your teeth? What does she do with them? It’s pretty gross really isn’t it?”

    Tara@Sticky Fingers

    October 29, 2009 at 2:56 pm

  4. Hi Tara – thanks for those! I particularly love the tooth fairy question: it’s true, it is gross – and what do they do with them all? *quickly goes onto Google*

    jaynehowarth

    October 29, 2009 at 3:18 pm

  5. 3 year old son: “When I am a grasshopper, I will jump over the house!”

    Not philosophical, but hilarious: “Yeah, and there was this man who ate loads of bananas and chocolate and then he tried to do a poo and then he died!”

    Me: “Eh?”

    5 year-old son (rolling eyes): “He’s talking about Elvis again?”

    DrD

    November 19, 2009 at 12:55 pm

  6. Haha!Thanks DrD. I hope your son achieves his ambition to be a grasshopper – a noble career! Thank you for posting the comment.

    jaynehowarth

    November 20, 2009 at 7:19 am


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